Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise. (Jeremiah 17:14)
Reason it away
So if you're like me, in most cases, I reason and reason things in my head, try to find solutions to the situation that caused the pain, thinking if I can see truth, try to communicate my feelings to someone else or if I am understood (if it's someone's actions that hurt me), then maybe I can get past this. Maybe if the situation never happens again and things “change”, then I won't have to feel this way again, right? Most times I just try to find a distraction, after indulging my hurt and “pity party” long enough, thinking the pain will just go away if I am busy enough, long enough, and sometimes it does.
This usually just hurts other people or puts them on the defense. I mean, there is a time to communicate and work things out, grow with others, set boundaries “in love” but I'm sure you've experienced that this doesn't always help you feel better and should we really expect OTHERS to make us happy? It's putting a lot of expectations onto the other person, to always figure out our needs, right?
Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that it not be to my sorrow! God granted him that which he requested. (1 Chronicles 4:10)
Build up walls
Sometimes we just find ourselves building a mini-wall so that we don't get hurt again. When we do that, this pain that has not really gone away, seems to surface again at another date or time, if something similar that caused the last pain, seems to rise up again; a “trigger” to the “old pain”. Let's just say now that “walls” are never a good thing. Neither is feeling sorry for myself, like a martyr who will just keep “putting up with the pain while trudging through the war.”
So in getting back to this pain, HOW do you hand it over, how do you “let it go”? Many books were written on this topic; I know because I've read a lot of them over the years. Most seem like “cushy encouragement”; giving me reasons for overlooking my pain or reasons for feeling like I SHOULD feel better or treat myself better; giving ways to pamper myself and do good things for myself which should, in turn, make me FEEL better and not FEEL the pain. Is that the answer? Well ...some times ...maybe ...a little...but I want more! I want total healing!
We Justify it
“It's all about me” someone close to me teased when she came out of the hospital one day,when knew that she was asking a lot of those around her to get her this or that and whenever she thought of what might make her comfortable. We feel justified when we feel sick, in pain or something's similar to hurting, to FEEL what we're feeling, and the thought that we should give that up cuts at something deeper in us, like denying who we are or that we have a RIGHT to feel the way we do.
Well we know that we're only human and that we are going to feel pain for many different reasons but to STAY IN PAIN is never a good thing and it can destroy our lives; our jobs; our family; our relationships; our very heart. While no one really WANTS to stay in pain, we don't know how to get out of it. We talk in may places on this site on how to recognize when pain rises up; how to handle it; how to get it healed.
Pain feels good at times.
This may be embarrassing to say, but sometimes, we really WANT to stay in pain. It feels good. While it may hurt, it feels good that SOMEONE is caring when it seems no one else is; it feels good to feel justified in our pain, as if we're standing up for our rights or what we think we deserve; it feels good to have a reason to build that shield up against caring and it makes us feel valued when the idea of giving up our pain may make us feel as if we are worth nothing.
Some people may feel that the pain just makes them feel SOMETHING other than feeling dead, unimportant or void of love; that it's better to feel SOMETHING in place of nothing.
WHEN YOU HURT, others hurt too.
Some people like the attention it may bring in pouring out to others who listen. This is another dangerous place to be. One could really wear down their friends with continual pouring out if it's the same issue over and over again with no resolution.
We all want to be there when a friend hurts, to be a shoulder to cry on or think that we can be part of the process to help them, but when the hurting person doesn't feel better, get healed or doesn't move on, it's hard on everyone who cares about that person. We've all been in that place, listening to a friend and trying to offer comfort and at times, offer solutions; encouragement or another way of looking at the situation or doing something different; only to frustrated when they either that person doesn't listen or it seems they don't WANT help.
Then again, sometimes there is nothing one can do anyway except comfort, grieve and accept; one just has to be wiling to even receive that.
It could take many books on the topic of why one may feel pain, why or how people deal with it; the reasons they approach healing (or NOT approach healing). Even delving too much into this area could be dangerous and allow the enemy to bring confusion and prevent the real transformation of healing to take place.
You have to make a decision, a CHOICE.
So no matter what we're feeling; either “down in the dumps”; processing something that just happened with a little frustration; feeling too numb to carry on with simple tasks; doing your job or caring for others with a tinge of bitterness that you're not sure you know the reason for; or crying out in deep bitter tears that seem like they will never stop; you're going to have to make a critical decision on when would like this to stop.
But I am in pain and distress.
Let your salvation, God, protect me.(Psalm 69:29)
This will always look different at any given time that you are going through whatever it is you want healing from and will not always be the same; the same intensity or duration. You may ask the Lord to help you make this decision; ask a friend to help you walk through this or to tell you when you seem to have a hard time letting go of an instance or topic. It may take you a matter of minutes, or it may take days to make this decision. It may even take PRACTICE to feel yourself out on RECOGNIZING the NEED to make a conscious decision but in time, that will get easier to do.
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Isaiah 41:10)
This is one of the hardest choices to make! The WHEN; the part of wanting to move on; recognizing that you don't want to hurt anymore; that you've gotten out all you want to get out; that you don't feel productive anymore; that you're ready to start living or feeling better; that something has to feel better than this; that turning point of WANTING to move on is the hardest point to recognize at times but you will NOT GET HEALING UNTIL YOU REACH IT; recognize it and say it, CLAIM IT!
The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace. (Psalm 29:11)
The LORD will preserve him, and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and thou wilt not deliver him unto the will of his enemies. (Psalm 41:2)
The LORD will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing: thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness. (Psalm 41:3)
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. (Psalm 91:10)
With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. (Psalm 91:16)
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; (Psalm 103:3)
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
Have Faith in the True “HEALING SOURCE”